And You Turned Away
by Dance Elle Dance
Summary: It is difficult loving Sheldon Cooper, but not for all the typical reasons one might specify. SheldonPenny, oneshot


_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own The Big Bang Theory._

_**Summary: It is difficult loving Sheldon Cooper, but not for all the typical reasons one might specify. SheldonPenny, oneshot**_

_My first BBT fic in so long, and of course it's a SheldonPenny. Haha. Anyway, I really hope that y'all enjoy this little fic. This isn't set in any particular episode, since I haven't seen much of any of the new ones lately. I think the last full season I watched was four, and I've seen a few of the newer episodes here and there. Anyway! The idea has been in my head for a long time, and I haven't really had the inspiration to write it until now. Thanks for reading!_

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**And You Turned Away**

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Short of breath, Penny pushes herself out of apartment 4A and into the hallway.

She never thought it could be so...suffocating, being in the same room as her friends, and she breathes in through her nose, out through her mouth, as if she has undergone some awful trauma that has rendered her in a state of shock. The ridiculousness of this very action is something the she doesn't want to admit to herself, but she can't deny what she's feeling, especially not now.

It had been easy, denying what she felt. Perhaps too easy. She now thinks that maybe the easiness of it all had made her ill-prepared to deal when things became even more serious. So ill-prepared that she was unable to be in the same room with...certain individuals.

She pushes herself off of the door - Penny hadn't realized she had been leaning on anything, but now she knows she needed it, feeling her legs wobble beneath her. Rolling to the side, she rests against the wall, eyes darting back frantically to the door to see if anyone had heard her move. Her fingertips press against the reassuring solidity of the wall behind her.

In a few minutes, her breathing returns to normal, but her heart is still thundering in her chest. Delusional, Penny feels that it might just begin to pull her forward, yanking from her safe zone against the wall.

She shakes her head, hating herself for being so foolish.

After a moment collecting her thoughts, she then shoves herself away from the wall, figuring that it would look more normal to at least contemplate her strange reactions in the comfort of her apartment, and not in the hallway, next to the doorway of her ex and her..._Sheldon_. There really wasn't another word for him, and that thought both causes an ache to develop in her chest as well as makes her feel slightly privileged, for reasons unbeknownst to her.

Penny heaves a sigh as she slides her key into her apartment door.

She's left the light on again, and she can't help but hear the ghost of a voice telling her, _"You should try to focus on conserving energy, Penny. Not only does it lower your monetary spendings - which, knowing you, are extensive - it also allows - "_

She groans. Even in her mind, he never lets up.

Penny tosses her keys onto the counter as she moves to open the freezer, looking for the half-eaten carton of Rocky Road that resides there. She grins at the sight of it, the very action seeming fake. Placing it on the counter, she brings out a spoon and then takes the lid from the carton.

She ignores the fact that she plunges the spoon into the ice cream a bit more violently than necessary.

The cool of the ice cream against the roof of her mouth is almost like a salve, soothing the burning that has taken over her entire being. She hums a bit, trying in vain to boost her mood.

And now, in the quiet of her apartment, the images come flashing back to her.

Sheldon, smiling awkwardly and reciting some fact about some random science fiction show. _Fringe_. She had actually watched that one, enjoying the characters and actually being able to follow the plot, so she was listening intently, despite what her appearance might have dictated.

Amy, following his every word, coming up with funny anecdotes and things to combat what he was saying.

It was the oddest thing that would make her have a reaction like this. The air around the two was so comfortable, she felt her heart squeeze just a bit. Sheldon's voice raised a bit when Amy would argue a point, and then he would clarify - with a haughty tone, of course, but with just a bit of softness that one would know he was sweet on her.

The sigh that comes from her then is one of longing, a shuddering, sad thing that shouldn't be associated with something that makes him so..._happy_.

It is difficult loving Sheldon Cooper, but not for all the typical reasons one might specify.

She smiles at the notion. Of course she wouldn't find fault with all his quirks. His overly organized tendencies, all of the contracts and the big words and the condescension. The ego and the childish behavior. The video games and Halo night and how everything must go according to plan.

In fact, she'd deal with all of those with a grin on her face. And possibly a snarky comment or two. Or three.

Really, Penny thinks the whole thing is just crazy. She can't think of a time in which she had been so jealous of someone being with someone else, and if it had ever garnered a reaction like this from her. Sure, she had been jealous with Leonard and those girls that he dated after her, but still...this was different. There was no other word for it.

She was aware that she and Sheldon were as different as cats and dogs, and they had their share of scuffles, but...

Penny wasn't sure how to finish that sentence, and left it hanging in her mind like a broken promise.

As a distraction, she runs the spoon along the sides of the desert, watching as the ice cream curls along the metal. It fascinates her, and she knows that it shouldn't. Maybe she's going crazy. Wouldn't be the first time she's thought that since she met him. Won't be the last.

Her appetite gone, all Penny can do is think of what could be, and how it just isn't possible.

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_**End.**_


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